


Signs of Life

by Bray



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, mShenko
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-11 16:41:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4443812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bray/pseuds/Bray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Shepard comes back from the brink. Kaidan Alenko is there for him every step of the way. They both want to spend the rest of their lives together - but the road to recovery is riddled with obstacles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before reading Chapter One, please know the backstory for this isn't based solely on what happens at the end of vanilla Mass Effect 3. It's based off of the idea that the Normandy didn't jump to another system, but instead stayed on Earth to assist the war efforts, which explains why the crew isn't halfway across the Milky Way. It's a slight variation in the way the game ended, and will be explained as the story goes along. :-) For now, enjoy my post-war story!
> 
> (Characters will be added to the tags as they are introduced.)

John Shepard was scraping and grappling at the edges of consciousness. He could feel his heart beating in his chest as the rhythm rose and reverberated, his hold on reality beginning to slip, causing his heart rate to grow increasingly sporadic and rapid. No control. He couldn’t move, parts of his body having been pinned by a weight he could no longer feel. He tried to open his eyes, but they ignored his pleading. He knew what was happening.

 

He was dying.

 

He couldn’t do anything, couldn’t fight the darkness. It was swallowing him so quickly and mercilessly. He wanted to scream, beg and plead with someone, _anyone_ , to help him. He didn’t want to die. He tried to yell, to speak, but no air passed between his lips.

 

 

He needed air. He couldn’t _breathe._ His lungs refused to expand, his diaphragm ignoring his pleas to contract. He didn’t want to die yet. He had made too many promises. He didn’t want to break them. He couldn’t die. He wanted so much more out of his short life. He felt his heart begin to slow down. His body refused to respond to his slipping mind, shutting down regardless of Shepard’s implorations.

 

He told Kaidan he’d see him again. He told him he’d loved him. With all of his heart, he had told the man that he was the most important thing in his life, without needing another second of thought. The most raw and pure emotion he’d ever felt, in that moment, cradling Kaidan’s head in his hand, and he was never going to get to see him again. If his eyes had been listening, he would’ve been crying – the first time he would’ve cried since his father died.

 

He felt his body relaxing against his whim.

 

He was dying.

 

 _I don’t want to die, Kaidan,_ he thought, _oh God, please don’t let me die._

 

He felt helpless and alone and terrified that he was already dead. He felt nothing and could do nothing. So, in his nothingness, he waited. On what? He wasn’t sure. The curtain call, the end, the void, God. He didn’t know.

 

Ever so slowly, a warm sensation engulfed his thoughts, nibbled at his mind. It made him feel… at peace. There was nothing to worry about. Nothing mattered in the warmth. Was this the light everyone talked about? It really wasn’t all that bright. It was a light that you could sort of _feel_. Whatever he could still feel, anyway.

 

He could’ve sworn he could hear voices in the warm burn of the light; maybe it was his dead relatives. Maybe there was an afterlife after all. Or maybe it was his brain playing back memories of which he could only remember the sounds. The fuck if he knew. A few familiar voices slipped in, one of them making him feel just a little warmer.

 

He couldn’t make it out fully, but he recognized the tone, the grit in the inaudible words. It was Kaidan Alenko. John calmed. If nothing else, he’d heard the man he loved in his final moments.

 

Strange. The muffled words didn’t sound like words at all. More like sobs. But, he didn’t remember hearing any sounds like that before.

 

Shepard thought it all very odd, though. He was still… conscious? Hell, he didn’t know where he was. Maybe in fucking Limbo. But, the voices – sobs – they were still there, buzzing on the edge. A small rhythm began to creep back into his thoughts, a short, consistent beat. It was rather annoying actually. He couldn’t think straight.

 

 _Fuck._ Holy _FUCK_. His brain felt like it was imploding from a sudden influx in… what? _From_ what? It fucking _pained_ his mind. He couldn’t think. The numbness swallowed his cognizance, incapacitating him again. Oh, shit, nothing was right. Where was the light? He wanted it back, he didn’t want to feel anything. He wanted the happiness back. He wanted the nothingness. He didn’t want to feel the agony. Shit, do something, fucking _fix it_.

 

He wanted Kaidan back and he wanted to live and he wanted the pain to stop and he needed—

 

***

 

The steady beeps of the life monitors were just as assuring as they were unsettling. Kaidan sat in the chair next to Shepard’s hospital bed, rubbing his face in the wake of his failed attempt at a nap. He hadn’t slept for more than four hours at a time in a month… and that was just an estimation. God knows it felt like far less. He wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands, blinking wildly as he tried to refocus his sight. Just outside of the window, the sun was rising. Another sleepless night. Kaidan made a mental tally on the ever growing count.

 

The room they were in wasn’t too bad for being a makeshift infirmary, especially by Alliance standards. Shepard had been transferred here after he was stable enough to be flown, which was around two weeks of consistent vitals back in the Alliance’s outpost in London. In reality, it had been… six weeks? since Kaidan had found Shepard in the rubble of what used to be Historic London. When you’re pumped full of Omni-gel and running on adrenaline, you’d be amazed how far you can go for someone you love.

 

And fuck, was John in bad shape when he found him. Completely unconscious, with the minimal requirements of life left in him. Hearing those machines beeping away at a normal rhythm is a goddamned miracle in itself. Kaidan didn’t remember much from those moments. It all cascaded in his memory, like a light-speed cosmic explosion that he couldn’t seem to observe; the trail was there, but the illuminator forever evading his thoughts.

 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Too much thinking.

 

He couldn’t afford a migraine right now.

 

He glanced down at his watch – that he had recently discovered a new appreciation for. It read 6:31, and the doctor was supposed to come in at 6:45 to give Kaidan updates. He hoped for better news. John hadn’t been doing poor… but he just really hadn’t improved, visibly, in over a week. But, he hadn't been in critical condition for some time now, so that had to count for something.

 

Kaidan looked up at the man placated in the hospital bed, IV bag hanging over him, hospital gown ruffled near his neck. The cuts and bruises on his face and visible parts of his body had started to fade, with a few light colored scars settling into his skin as the wounds healed. The dark circles under his eyes probably matched Kaidan’s at this point; Shepard’s hair was a little longer than his normal buzz, but not unkempt. He assumed the nurses kept it from getting too wiry. His typical stubble had grown into a short beard, which also probably matched Kaidan’s too – he hadn’t had much time to stop and worry about vanities recently.

 

Kaidan stood, looming over the bed, cradling Shepard’s head in the palm of his hand. He rubbed his thumb softly over John’s cheek, staring at his face. He was supposed to wake up from the medically induced coma any day now, according to the doctors; all the while, Kaidan looked upon his somber face, wondering how a man could look so beaten yet so peaceful at the same time. He ran his fingers through Shepard’s hair as he sat down on the side of the bed. He leaned over, kissing John on the forehead, feeling the water in his eyes boil over. He grasped Shepard’s hand and pulled it up his lips, blinking the blurriness away, and holding John’s hand in both of his. It felt as if the other half of his heart was lifeless.

 

“Sh-… John… if you can hear me, please show me- something… anything…” Kaidan croaked, kissing the back of John’s hand again. “ _Please_ ,” he pleaded. Was there any way John could even hear him? Kaidan set John’s hand down and began running his fingers through Shepard’s hair once more.

 

At first, the air that passed between Shepard’s lips was a gasping, muttering sound, his throat dry from weeks of a comatose state. The second attempt was a little more refined, as he mumbled a simple letter.

 

“K.”

 

John groggily opened his eyes, struggling against them, despite their seemingly insurmountable weight. Kaidan loomed over him, eyes red and moist from the tears running down his face. Shepard tried to lift up his arm, and he was met with a stiffness he had never felt. Kaidan grabbed John’s shaky hand and gradually lifted it up to his face, as Shepard felt his own eyes well-up.

 

“Yeah, I’m here… I’m here…” he repeated, staring at the man who hadn’t moved in weeks. He tried to open his mouth to speak more, but the words refused to form. He reached up with his free hand, cradling John’s head, only this time Shepard nuzzled back.

 

It was an extraordinary feeling, to have someone who was mere inches from death, and then to feel them living and breathing again. John slowly reached and placed his hand on Kaidan’s arm, caressing it with his thumb unevenly. Kaidan leaned in and kissed him on the forehead, hot tears running down onto Shepard’s skin. He rested his forehead on John’s, sighing.

 

“I love you… John,” he whispered confidently through small, tearful gasps.

 

After a few moments of silence, Shepard worked up the energy to reply.

 

“Love... You, too-.. K.” Kaidan smiled with wet eyes and moved his hand slightly, wiping the tears from John’s. They sat there, motionless, save for the small movement of their thumbs on each other’s skin; a small message that read, _I love you. Thank you. Do not leave me alone_.

 

Eventually the doctor came in, and upon seeing John having awoken, asked Kaidan to wait outside in the Waiting Area while additional tests were run on Shepard’s now conscious and moving body. And despite the newfound worry and stress, Kaidan fell asleep in the waiting room as the sun rose into the sky.

 

Hours later, the doctor came out to meet him, alongside a familiar face.

 

“Dr. Chakwas,” Kaidan exhaled as the old woman approached.

 

“Major Alenko,” she replied, flashing a smile. Dr. Chakwas glanced at the other doctor and then continued. “It seems to me that our boy is starting the beginning of a road to recovery. A long one, mind you – but… if we get him in physical therapy once he starts walking… I think he’ll start looking and feeling himself later on down the road.”

 

Kaidan choked on the words in his throat, holding back tears. “Th- thank you,” he rasped, too overcome to even begin to question how the Normandy’s doctor ended up in New Vancouver.

 

“You can go back and see him in about thirty minutes if you want to, he’ll probably be sleeping, but he asked if you would go back as soon as we’d let you,” the accompanying doctor said.

 

Chakwas chuckled, “He was a little pissy we wouldn’t let you back sooner, but I think he listened to me… or at least acted like he did, anyway.”

 

Kaidan simply laughed. The first genuine laugh he’d had in weeks.

 

The doctors gave him some papers detailing Shepard’s future treatment options, and his projected release date. A week. _One_ week. And then Shepard could leave. After nearly a month in intensive care with more surgeries and fixes than Kaidan could count, the savior of the galaxy could come home. Kaidan’s room in his apartment had already been completely prepped for this moment. Kaidan had never doubted they’d get here. He couldn’t have doubted John Shepard.

 

Kaidan folded up the papers and slipped them in his N7 hoodie’s pocket, and he walked outside the doors leading into the facility. The warm rays of the Sun hit him, and he felt like they worked their way into his soul. On the edge of the horizon, past all of the damage and restoration of New Vancouver, through all the smoke and clouds of dust, Kaidan felt as if he could see the future dancing in the sunlight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some weeks have passed and John is finally out of the hospital, other than the constant appointments to keep tabs on his progress. Kaidan is trying to be a good boyfriend to a healing savior. A bit of shit hits the fan when someone shows up knocking on their apartment door.

Shepard looked down at the hands in his lap, his scars looking like tattoos blotted with faded red ink, running from the base of his thumb to his wrist like a short, jagged river. The post-op wounds were still tender, but a few weeks of recovery had put them on the path to normalcy. The rest of him, now… that was a different story.

“Shepard, looking a little bit more lively, aren’t we?” Dr. Chakwas chimed, opening the door to John’s hospital room, a hint of a grin on her face.

“I hope so, doc,” Shepard replied, voice still unsteady, but not cracking. “I’m starting to think you’re gonna take all my blood and sap me dry.” He managed a chuckle and was met with an eye roll from Chakwas.

“As nice as your blood probably is, Shepard, I think you might want to hang on to it. Tests have come back clean.”

She walked over beside the bed John was sitting on and set her clipboard down on the side table. Shepard sat up straight, expecting a cold stethoscope to the chest.

“Look, Comm- …Shepard. I get it. You were never a fan of being stuck in medical beds, after all.” She smirked and crossed her arms on her chest. “From what I can tell, you’re on a healthy path to recovery. The reconstruction surgeries and implants seem to be assimilating flawlessly.”

“So… What’s that mean, doc?” John fiddled with his hands in his lap, glancing up at Chakwas.

“Well, other than the monthly physical check-ups, I think we can cut back on your appointments,” she said, pushing her hair back off of her face. A slow sigh escaped Shepard’s mouth, and he relaxed his shoulders.

“That being said,” she started, Shepard’s eyes looking up at her, “our recent MRI scans of your brain have revealed some… interesting activity. So I’m going to recommend you start seeing our onsite psychologist.”

Of course, there’s always something. He hadn’t even been to a shrink in years. But, doc’s orders were just that. Orders.

“Uh yeah, I see. I can do that.” Shepard forced a half-smile. Chakwas just nodded to herself and wrote down some notes on her clipboard.  
“Good. Just remember to stay on your meds for pain and recovery, you know.” She ripped off a slip of paper from one of her forms. “Here’s a refill for your pain killers and sleep aids when you need them. Antibiotics should already be on file.”

Shepard reached out, folding the slip and sliding it into his hoodie pocket.

“Thanks, Doctor.”

“Come now, Shepard. Karin is perfectly fine.” She patted his back as they both stood and walked out of the room. “If you need anything, just reach me on the local comm system. Engineers are still working on getting our connection up to the Extranet again.”

“Right, right. Thanks… doc,” Shepard laughed.

She sighed through a smile as he continued down the hallway.

Shepard wove his way through the building with ease, walking out into the warm New Vancouver sunlight. Kaidan saw him and walked over from the bench he had been sitting on while John was inside.  
“That wasn’t too long,” Kaidan smiled, rubbing his hand in the small of Shepard’s back. “Ready to go?”

“Absolutely,” John exhaled, pecking Kaidan quickly on the lips, both meeting each other with soft smiles.

They wandered off toward the parking lot. Hopefully Kaidan hadn’t forgotten where he’d parked.

\--

 

Kaidan unfolded an old blanket that his Mom had made him years ago, and tossed it over Shepard.

“A therapist, huh? Well, Chakwas is the professional here,” Kaidan huffed, sitting down on the couch next to a drowsy John. Kaidan had forced him to take the pain meds Chakwas had ordered, much to Shepard’s detesting.

“Thass wha’ she said, I dunno,” John slurred, trying to bury his head deeper in the pillow. Kaidan did his best to hold back a laugh but failed miserably; he was met with a quick glazed over glare from Shep. “You were tha one wh- ..who tol’ me to take these, asshole.”

“I know, I’m not making fun of you! Honest!” Kaidan said with a chuckle, putting his hands up as a form of surrender. “You know you need to take them, Chakwas said so.” They were slow releasing meds, take once a day and you’re good for 24-hours. But… Shep was always loopy as all hell after he took ‘em.

“ACTUALLY!” Shepard belted suddenly, sitting up and pointing his finger at Kaidan with squinted eyes, “She said tha’ we shud call her Karin.”

Kaidan just pursed his lips, amusement rising in his throat. Do not laugh. Sad puppies. Think of sad puppies.

Before he could say anything or burst out laughing, Kaidan found Shepard’s head in his lap, immediately passed out. He ran his hand over John’s recently buzzed hair.

“Karin it is, then,” Kaidan whispered, laughing to himself. He lay back and let his eyelids fall. Sleep took him shortly thereafter.

A knock at the door brought consciousness back, even though he had no idea how long they had been out. Kaidan rubbed his eyes and carefully stood up, making sure to place John’s head back on the couch deftly.

Donning a hoodie, he swung open the door. An older woman was on the other side, and she looked very familiar, yet he also knew he’d never seen her in person. She had deep brown-grey hair pulled up in a bun and piercing blue eyes.

“Hi, you- you must be Kaidan… Alenko, was it?” She said nervously, letting her arms fall to her sides. Kaidan furrowed his brow.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he cocked his head a little, still confused. “Not to sound rude but, who are you exactly?”

She smiled and looked up, breathing out slowly. “First my own son doesn’t let me know if he’s alive, and now he doesn’t even show you a picture of me? I need to have a talk with him.”

Before Kaidan could get a word out, he heard familiar footsteps behind him. He turned around to see Shepard, still wrapped up in the blanket, a blank look on his face.

“Who is…?”

His eyes widened.

_“Mom?”_

\--  
Kaidan passed a cup of coffee to John from behind the couch where the two were sitting. He glanced over at their guest.

“Would you like a cup? Uh…” Kaidan said, fumbling over the fact that he had no idea what to call his boyfriend’s mother that he had never met. She merely smiled and chuckled at the slight faux paus.

“Hannah’s fine, Kaidan,” she said, pausing briefly, “and yes, actually. If you don’t mind.” Her words had an achy, warm feel to them, like hot coco on a cold Vancouver night.

“You got it,” Kaidan replied, turning back and busying himself with the coffee machine. He tuned in to the mother and son’s conversation in the meantime.

John was still in a post-drug delirium, but the warmth of the coffee perked him up to reality a bit more. He nervously sipped from the rim of the mug; his mother exhaled deeply.

“I thought you were dead, John.”

Frank as ever, John thought, mildly choking from the outburst. He furrowed his brow a bit, a sarcastic laugh escaping his lips.

“If we’re being honest, I thought I was too.” Hannah narrowed her eyes.

“I’m your mother, Johnathan. When I see that you went complete sacrificial hero to save the galaxy, what else was I supposed to think?” Shepard fidgeted and pulled his knees up to his chest. “Every news outlet in New Los Angeles had ‘COMMANDER SHEPARD, HERO OF THE GALAXY, DIES IN FINAL FEAT OF HEROISM’ as their headlines.”

Kaidan stepped in to hand Hannah her coffee and was met with a brief thanks. He gave Shep’s shoulder a squeeze as he walked by. A squeeze that said, this is your mother. She loves you, remember that.

John just nodded a little and looked by up at his mother. “I can only imagine…” he trailed off.

“I had a funeral for you!” she exclaimed, her voice crack sounding almost like a laugh. “I mourned you. And then I get word from the Alliance months later that you’re alive? I didn’t know what to think.” A stray tear escaped her eye, which she immediately wiped away.

“I thought I’d lost you forever once. Thinking it had happened again tore me up, John. You and your dad both dying in a blaze of glory, leaving me here to deal with it all.” She relaxed, gathering her thoughts. Silence intervened for a bit. “I’m not mad at you. I was just scared I’d never get to see you again.”

“I was just doing what I had to do, Mom,” John rasped. Her lips quivered, and she slowly reached her hand over, placing it on his knee.

“I know, kid. I know you did.” She paused for a second, taking a deep breath. “Just… next time, try to let me know that you’re not – you know – dead.”  
“I would’ve if I could’ve, if I knew…” They fell silent for a moment.

“You get that from your dad, you know.” Shep looked up, slightly confused.

“Wanting to save the galaxy?”

Hannah laughed. “Not really… more like wanting to protect others… everyone.” She glanced over her shoulder at Kaidan, who was cleaning dishes in the sink while sipping coffee. “Especially the ones you love the most.”

John blushed a little, staring down at his now empty coffee cup. “Yeah. I guess I do.”

They chatted a bit longer, more so than they had on the phone months ago. About what Shepard could remember, some of the places they had been, about his crew and the Normandy. About the Reapers and the Geth, about a lot of things that sat fuzzily on Shepard’s memory since he’d gotten home. Hannah shared some about her experience in the war. He hadn’t had a conversation with his mother like this since he was a kid. It made his heart warm.

Their heart-to-heart broke apart when Kaidan fumbled with a glass and it toppled onto the floor, shattering into shards.

“Ah shit!—I mean, uh..” he said, proceeding to fumble over his words while scooping up the glass.

Shepard started to get up instinctively to help, despite his weak legs. Hannah grabbed his arm, sitting him back down. She tapped him briskly to get his attention.

“So, when were you gonna tell me?” she said, leaning back and setting her coffee mug down on the end table.

“I told you, as soon as I got better, I’ve been looking around for any working channels to tell you I was out of the hospi—”

“Not about that,” she waved him off, “about that.” She nodded towards the man in the kitchen.

“Oh,” Shepard said, taken a bit aback. “Well, I guess as soon as I found you.”

Hannah simply cocked an eyebrow, a brief “Ahh” passing between her lips. “I see. Well… maybe we can do something fun, dinner, I don’t know. The three of us. You know, what normal mothers do with their kids and their partners.” She crossed her arms with a grin.

“He seems like a good catch, John.”

“I’d like that, Mom. I would.” Shepard said briefly, looking back at the man he loved. A smile spread across his face.

“And yeah… he really is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little update for this story, a year late. I'm the worst! Haha, but really, I have a few ideas to explore with this story, but until then, enjoy a little fluff and some cute MShenko shit. More chapters soon to come. Thanks for reading my stuff, I appreciate it. :')


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